Under the Baobab Tree

Vegas: Land of Attentive Strangers

I have spent the last few days in Las Vegas because I was asked to go to give a short presentation about lead paint to a large group of people who make snowboards, skis, ski gloves, etc. -- in other words, people who make things that don't actually have lead paint in them. It's a good life, really.

I got there a few days early and met a good friend whom careful readers will remember as the lovely bride from the riotous Skagit County, Washington wedding where I got stuck in a rutabaga field in my high heels, the best man fell over, the groom dropped the ring, and the dogs in the wedding wound their leashes around the blessed couple while everyone laughed.

This lovely bride and I have known each other since we were 12. She remembers, but I do not, that when she came as a prospective student to our boarding school I gave her a tour and presented the library by saying "Here's our library. We have books here." She came to the school nevertheless. We also went to the same college. But at no time during high school or college were we actually friends. It wasn't until after I got out of law school that a mutual friend thought maybe we might actually have something in common so we met for drinks and were afraid we might not recognize each other. I told her "I'll be the one in the pea green sombrero and the white lycra speedskating suit" and she said "I'll have a feather boa and a refrigerator tied around my ankle." We've been friends ever since.

For example, we spent a week riding Irish ponies in the absolutely pouring rain around the Ring of Kerry in Ireland. We spent two summers in Mallorca eating jambon y queso sandwiches, drinking hierbas, lying in the sun, and riding horses. We spent a week in St. Lucia with a guy who broke both his arms in a mysterious midnight mishap and which meant we spent most of the vacation driving from one wretched third world hospital to another trying to get his arms set and trying to convince him to take painkillers so he'd stop moaning (we almost pushed him into the sea once his arms were cast -- we were on a launch taking us to a beach that was only accessible by boat and we thought, hmmm, no-one will miss him!). We spend a lot of time trying to come up with substantial yet passive sources of income.

But it still was unexpected to find ourselves meeting in Las Vegas to go shopping at Nieman Marcus before sipping white wine by a lovely pool in our expensive sunglasses, followed by gambling and eating. This is not the image we had of ourselves when we were young. We thought we were far too post-modern and deconstructionist to ever do that. Also, we had exactly zero money for most of our lives so it was fruitless to even think about living the high life in the desert. All of which made our day in Vegas THRILLING! We went into very expensive boutiques and tried on EVERYTHING and then left without buying anything. We thought about maybe getting my ears pierced or something radical. We found ourselves in Neiman Marcus and then we actually shopped. Ah..... in fact, all the help in Neiman Marcus started trailing us around because we may have been the only people in the store actually spending money. Again, we tried on virtually everything we saw. Then we'd move to another section but the same woman kept showing up to help us. "Anything I can help you with here, ladies? How about here? Or here?" At one point we had to take a little break so we plopped our stuff down on an empty check out counter and I rooted around for lip balm and the Skagit County Bride helped herself to some free lubriderm and we chit chatted about something or other and the sales lady again came running "May I help you NOW ladies?" "Oh no, thanks, we're just freshening up!" The sales ladies thought at one point that we might be television personalities. Of course, we LOVED THIS and did not exactly tell them they were wrong.

Later that evening the Bride tried to teach me to play Blackjack. We had already had our wine by the pool at this point so I must admit I wasn't paying very close attention. The Bride said something about the number 21 and what to do with your hands if the dealer has less than 6. I looked vaguely at her as she explained all this and then I immediately turned around and realized with delight that there were ATTENTIVE STRANGERS! at this blackjack table. I love attentive strangers. As a result, I was really far more interested in the personal history and trauma of all the people at the table including the Dealer and the Dealer Supervisor and the Replacement Dealer that I made very little effort to actually gamble. I learned how everyone met their significant others. I learned where the 96 year old woman bought her shirt. Etc. I also moved my hands around in a fairly random way and watched the dealer either give me chips or take some away. Sometimes the chips changed colors. Generally they diminished in number. Sometimes I gave him a few. Every now and then Dealer would say ,"Kim, you must hit that!" "Kim, hold!" "Kim, do what I tell you!" "Kim, pay attention!!!!" "Kim, are you watching?" "Kim, I don't think you know how to count!" "Kim, DON'T TOUCH THE CARDS!!!!!" I loved the Dealer. His name was Fite from Eritrea. The Bride thinks I should marry him. The Attentive Strangers also loved me because I lost all my money, of course. But it was WONDERFUL! I love gambling.

We realized that part of the reason we had such fun in Vegas is because we are now the median age. These resorts and casinos, etc. are designed with US in mind -- late 30s, financially stable, women. If we're not happy, their business model has failed. This is quite a powerful feeling. It makes you realize that if you would like a side of broccoli even if there is no such thing on the menu, ask for it anyway! HA! LIVE DANGEROUSLY! BROCCOLI FOR EVERYONE!

The next day I had to give my little presentation about lead paint to the ski and snowboard people. I again found a roomful of Attentive Strangers -- this time potential clients and my fellow presenters. The potential clients were all very scruffy looking snowboard executives with baggy pants and strange hair cuts. After the presentation they MOBBED me. I think this was because I was the only girl who was presenting and because I wore a lollipop red silk suit that I had purchased the previous day at Neiman Marcus. Anyway, now I have lots of new little ski and snowboard clients which is pretty funny considering I've been skiing exactly once and am not quite sure what a snowboard looks like.

Then it was time for more Attentive Strangers. I had turned the full force of sunshine on my fellow presenters because I felt bad for them that they didn't have a lollipop red silk suit to attract the attention of the potential clients. During the Q&A they had all ended up rather dejectedly saying things to them all like, "Well, you should probably talk to Kim about that." They seemed sad. But as a result of the red lollipop sunshine, my fellow presenters became VERY ATTENTIVE STRANGERS. One of them planned out our entire entertainment for the evening. Another one tried to plan out my entertainment schedule coming up in Munich (yes, we have to go talk to the European ski and snow board people next). A third tried to install me on various legal task forces hither and yon. We ended up having a very nice 7 course meal at a restaurant that had a "wine cellar" that was a multi-story four-sided column and a woman had to ride up and down it on a trapeze to get bottles and stock the cellar. I learned everything about my Attentive Strangers and they learned virtually nothing about me. They were so thrilled at the evening that they got the hostess to take our picture (once I get a copy of the picture you all can see the lollipop red suit). Then they asked me come to more sports-themed trade shows with them. I may consider it. There are worse ways to make a living.

On the way back to my room, I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts in Ocean's Eleven. I was walking slowly across the casino, all alone, in my lollipop red silk suit, with no purse or anything to weight me down. I walked serenely. Not exactly smiling. But not frowning either. It took me a while to get where I was going -- the casino is big. Everyone else in the whole place was wearing black and there was me in bright red. It was like that scene where Julia Roberts is walking from Andy Garcia to George Clooney and ultimately ends up with George Clooney. It was only SORTA like that though, because I was just walking from three Attentive Strangers to a completely empty hotel room. Oh well. It's the thought that counts.