Under the Baobab Tree

Treasury Department

I just had a fascinating lunch with a friend at the Executive Dining Room of the Treasury. It is an exceedingly small white-table-cloth "mess," only about 7 tables, with an elderly black man to wait on you. You have to place your food order the day before. We had two orders of my friend's patented low carb salad, which came for the first time with croutons, much to my friend's consternation. We had to speak in hushed tones. Several times I looked at my friend and said, "Huh?" and he thought that was hysterical. You can only eat in this fancy mess if you are a political appointee (my friend) or the guest of one (me). Apparently most such people don't say, "Huh?"

Afterwards he took me on an insider's tour of the place. I saw the Front Office, inluding Ken Dam's office, and the office used by Andrew Johnson after Lincoln was assassinated but before Mary Todd Lincoln was out of mourning (preventing him from moving into the White House). The Andrew Johnson suite has a stunning view of the East Wing and sports the original settees ec., that the Johnsons lounged about on. I also saw the suite where Sam Chase and [name escapes me] figured out how to finance the Civil War. The hall with the Front Office and the Chase Suite was once used as a barracks for Union solders, and there is a big plaque on the wall so indicating.

We then went on a self-guided tour of interesting vaults and safes. The Treasury Department has many historic bank vaults, burglar-proof vaults, pressurized vaults, etc., most of which are set up for viewing purposes. My friend would sail into someone's office and say, "Do you mind if I show my friend your vault?" The best vault is the size of an entire anteroom and is built from two layers of metal with ball bearings filling the space in between, meant to deter drill bits and other projectiles that a burglar might use to break in. The Treasury Department helpfully mounted a wall display showing how the vault used to work, complete with pictures of the place when it was used for the typing pool in the early 20th Century (gives new meaning to the phrase "close the door on your way out"). The access to one of the historic vaults (in fact, the one where they used to keep the gold) is through an old ballroom where Johnson had his inaugural ball. They issued invitations to 2,000 men, and each man could bring two women. How 'bout that.

We also had a grand time trying to identify all the architectural details. One staircase is bedecked with olive branches and oak branches. Olives of peace --- oaks of strength. Also, lots of "fruits of commerce" stuff in the friezes, and very frequently something that looked to me like an axe or hoe and a "sheaf of wheat." My friend kept calling it a "faggot of wheat." Typical Republican. We compromised on "bamboo." (Turns out they were "fasces," Latin for small bundles of sticks and whatnot.)

We also found the Coast Guard emblem (Coast Guard used to be part of Treasury). For moment I thought there was a life guard emblem too, beacuse there was something that looked like little boats. Turns out it was the scales, as in standard weights and measures, another Treasury bailiwick.

Speaking of weights and measures, one of the fancy conference rooms has a display of flagons that hold volumes of liquid roughtly equivalent to the Standard Weights and Measures. We didn't really know what all the measures were so we called them Venti, Grande, Tall, Short, etc. like Starbucks. Funny us. Guess those weights and measures aren't so standard any more.

While we were checking out the friezes and faggots, the Argentinean Minister of Finance went by with his entourage. I heard at least one staffer/on-looker mutter sotto voce, "you call THAT a currency?" Then another entourage went by and my friend said he couldn't imagine who it might, unless it was the Argentinian Minister's stunt double.